I picked up my baby from daycare some days ago, with my older daughter in tow, and someone at the daycare commented on how my older daughter is growing, followed by the oh-so-cliched question of when my husband and I are going to “try for a boy”. So I respond that it could end up being another girl. And her response is that I keep trying until it’s a boy. I sigh inwardly – I’ve heard it all before, and honestly it bores me.
For some reason beyond my understanding society still holds onto the notion that a family needs a son to be complete. You have a daughter and everyone’s happy for you, but they feel the need to add that all you need now is a boy to have that proverbial Pigeon Pair. You have two girls and you’re encouraged to try for the boy before you stop having kids because then your family is complete. Well, newsflash to society: I have two daughters and my family feels pretty darn complete!
When I was pregnant with Mumtaaz I knew my hubby would’ve loved a boy – a son to be the protector of his younger siblings and all. But his prayer was for a healthy baby, boy or girl. I remember telling him one day that we’re having a girl. The sex was not confirmed; all I had was a strong feeling that I was carrying a baby girl. It was something I couldn’t explain, I just had a feeling one day that I was having a girl – that our first born would be a daughter and that my parents were going to have their first granddaughter. I felt no sense of regret or sadness, but instead I was happy – my baby would be a girl!! ❤️ Once the Doc confirmed we were having a baby girl I was really excited – now I knew how to shop and couldn’t wait to meet her! I didn’t feel like I was missing out on not having a boy, not once.
Mumtaaz was born, after trying for a baby for years, and my little family felt complete. We didn’t know if we’d be blessed with more children or if she was it for us, but I knew I was happy and grateful and felt so blessed. Still… there were random comments about how we should now try for a boy and then we can be done. Really? So, what, if I had a girl and boy then my family would be complete and that’s that? Maybe all I wanted was the daughter I already had; maybe I wanted to have three children; or maybe, just maybe, I was hoping to go for a Brady Bunch kinda brood. And how does one even try for a boy? Is there a certain position or magic food to consume? Are we supposed to hope and pray with all our heart for a boy before engaging in any act of intimacy? Is my life missing something if I don’t have a son? Am I doomed to feel incomplete, not blessed and not whole if I can’t bear a baby boy?
While I appreciate the well wishes for babies and all, it gets seriously old and seriously annoying to have to contend with comments about needing a boy – eluding to needing that son so that my family unit can be whole. My family unit IS whole. It was perfectly complete when Mumtaaz arrived – she added the sounds of little footsteps to our home, filled it with the sounds of little laughter, rekindled the sense of imagination within us, and brought a closeness in my and my husband’s relationship with the daughter we shared.
A few years later Hudaa was born, and like magic our already complete family just became more complete. The circle just got bigger without breaking or changing shape. While I know Nizaam may still like a son, and while I too feel it would be a nice change, neither of us feels incomplete or like our family unit lacks something.
We have two beautiful daughters, who bring a special something into a family that I think only daughters can bring, and they’ll share a special bond that is typical with sisters – they’re each others first best friends, will most likely grow up to be each other’s most trusted confidantes, will look out for each other, will pray for the best for each other, will treat each other’s children like her own, and will make memories together that will become stories to share around the dinner table. Sure, we’re low on testosterone in the house, but with two little girls who are active, busy, filled with imagination, ready to share hugs and kisses and I-love-yous, choose Catboy as the dress-up character for school, plays with cars, and wants the yoghurt with the Avengers characters, I don’t feel I need a boy for my family to be complete. ❤️